My sons school think he is autistic - I disagree

59 answers /

Last post: 22/02/2024 at 12:25 pm

ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 7:06 am
Hi,
This is my first time posting on here, just really hoping to hear from other mums in a similar situation or from anyone whose children are on the spectrum that could offer some advice and support please! Sorry if I start to ramble it's a long story I will try and get to the bottom line haha.

My son George is 5 next month. As a baby he was healthy but he did cry - a lot! I'm talking day and night 24/7 he eventually settled down at about 6 months old and was a healthy happy baby. He seemed to progress quite well he walked at 10 months. He was very inquisitive and loved going to playgroups and stuff. He talked very well by the time he was two you could have a full blown conversation with him. Anyway when he got to about 2 1/2 - 3 his tantrums began but it was like a full blown meltdown on a daily basis I really really struggled with him it was a nightmare he once had an hour and half meltdown because I cut his sandwich into squares when he wanted triangles lol. I was struggling to cope with him. At the  time I was also pregnant with my daughter lilly - now 16 months. Anyway I soldiered on and hoped it was something he was simply grow out of that was a lot of the advice I got from friends and family. He turned 3 in the July and started school nursery in the September. He absolutely loved it his first day went straight in didn't look back and loved going every day. He always loved to be around other children, he got on very well at nursery I never had a negative comment about him but at home he was still a nightmare! I contacted the health visiting team to see if they could offer any advice and a lady came to visit him at home she gave him so blocks to play with filled out a couple of forms and based on what I told her she said she was wondered if he could be autistic. I knows lots of adults and children with autism and George is nothing at all like them. However I understand it's a spectrum disorder and if you've seen one person with autism you've literally just seen one, so I agreed to get him checked out. She sent to queen Mary's and the appointment came in about 6 weeks. When we got there the lady said she was 50/50 but swaying more towards he not being autistic but she wanted to carry on the referral anyway. I went home a thought long and hard about it all and I really didn't think he was. They sent me a second appointment for occupational therapy but I cancelled it and told them as they was so unsure I didn't want to continue with the diagnosis. Looking back maybe I shouldn't have cancelled but I just went with my gut instinct at that time. I told his teacher that he had been referred and she said never in a million years would she have thought George had autism so that helped my decision to cancel aswell.

Anyway, George is now coming up 5 and at the end of reception. I've noticed a massive change in him he's like a different child he has no meltdowns he did seem to grow out of them he's sociable he goes to after school clubs he has his little friends. He is generally a good child he has the odd kick off like kids do he's a good eater - a bit fussy but nothing major. We moved house last week from a flat to a maisonette with a garden which is very happy about he loves our new home. The school called me in for a meeting yesterday and they said they have been keeping an eye on him and they think he could be autistic and that I need to restart the process. I was shocked I felt like they was talking about a different child. They said he seems to play along side other children rather than with them, which I completely disagree with I've seen him playing with other children just fine. When I take him out to the park and stuff he's alway looking for other children to play with and joins in just fine. They said he has problems with his hand and eye co-ordination which yes I do agree with that he does struggle a lot with eating and writing. He also find it's difficult with zips and buttons and things. She said he has trouble dealing with his emotions and cries a lot. He doesn't do this at home, she also said that in reception they do pretty much what they want and can get up walk around etc but she thinks he will struggle in year one as they have to just sit and do work they don't play its all about their school work. I agreed to contact the health visitors again and start it all back up, but I'm so torn. I really really don't think he's autistic I done my research I've read lots of books on it and articles on it and the whole thing just don't sit right with me. I agree there could be something I just don't know what. The school think I'm in denial but it's really not that. I just disagree that's all. I've got no problem if he is on the spectrum and I just want him to get the right help and support. He will always be the same child I know that. I'm just worried he's going to be wrongly diagnosed. Has anyone else had a similar problem I've looked it up and all I seem to find Is people wanting to diagnosis and struggling to get it.
Thank you for reading. Sorry if I rambled! X
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 7:57 am
Hey Becky, I'm going thorough something similar with my son who is in year one, but for ADHD.  His teacher is the SENCO contact for the school and the main reasoning she is giving me is because he lacks focus and can't sit still at carpet time - yet he's progressing really well in his school work, reading and writing have come on leaps and bounds.

I personally don't think he has it, I think he's just bone idle and needs pushing because he is an August baby.  I am going to go through the referral, even though I think he doesn't have it - because I don't know how they judge it and at the end of the day if he needs the support, he needs the support.

I was hesitant at first but it was my niece convinced me to go through with it because when I was telling them about what the teacher had said and how I had answered her and my niece said to me, you realise it sounds like you are just making excuses for him not paying attention.

Although its different conditions I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel when you are torn xxxxx
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 9:07 am
Hi Christine
Thank you for replying. It's nice to know there are people out there in similar situations.
I know what you mean it's hard when they are insisting there's something. I think we are doing the right thing as parents by getting it checked out, but it's like as soon as you disagree with them they just have you down as someone whose in denial and won't listen when it's not that at all. I am starting to blame myself a lot because nobody ever thought there was a problem until I brought it to there attention. All I wanted was a bit of support and some ideas on how to deal with his behaviour and I feel like they haven't left him alone since even now when I said he seems fine. I think at lot of it was also when my daughter was born he felt left out and started  acting up, now she's older he's realised she's here to stay he's accepted it lol.

Another thing the school said I've just remembered is she said George can't tell the difference between fiction and reality when I asked her to elaborate she went well he is convinced spider man is real... I just said he's 4 years old! A lot of the things she was coming out with I thought were ridiculous but to be fair some of the stuff did make sense.
I think your 100% right about your son needed the extra push as he's an August baby. I think the school forget they're  almost a whole year younger than some of the other children. A lot of George's school friends will be turning 6 at the beginning of September, George is still 4 I think they forget.
Hopefully all will be sorted out in the end for both of our boys xxx
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 9:43 am
It didn't help that he needed glasses so couldn't see a thing until he was assessed at the end of reception so that held him back a good bit in reception.

Part of me doesn't want him to be given a label that will either potentially help justify any bad or silly behaviour - and another part is I know some people automatically see kids with ADHD as 'problem children' once they know they have the condition.

Her main concerns were 1) he can't keep still at carpet time and 2) he still shouts out the answer if he knows it.  So for me, I struggle to see where the ADHD comes into it - but she is the SENCO teacher.  He has a small curvature at the base of his spine - at home he sits on a solid wood chair to eat and do homework - anything else its like he has worms so yes he does struggle to get comfortable.  The shouting out - he is so proud that he actually knows the answer that he can't contain himself.

But as my niece said - it just sounds like I'm making excuses for him :(:(
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 10:14 am
I don't think your making excuses for him at all I think there too quick to label children. I think it's good in some ways when children have an obvious problem it's good to quickly diagnose and get the help and support the child needs, but I also think nowadays if a child acts differently to others in particular more naughty than others then that's it there has to be something wrong. I do think a lot of it is they don't want the school to look bad by saying we have naughty children they'd rather say we cater for children with problems.
I totally agree that you don't want an adhd diagnosis because there can be a huge stigma that comes with it. People automatically assume ether the child is a naughty 'problem child' or the parent can't cope.
I think your doing the right thing by follow it up because if you don't you will only have the school on your back and to be fair if he does have adhd he could end up constantly in trouble at school for something he can't help that's what I'm thinking with George.
When I go for the next appointments when they ask me what my concerns are I'm just going to say I'm not concerned the school is and if they end up trying to give him a formal diagnosis I'm going ask what they are basing it on because the school sounded like they was talking about a different child. He isn't like it at home and you can't switch autism on and off.
At the end of the day they are not allowed to diagnose them against our will so we might aswell go along and see what they have to say. I don't mind George being diagnosed as long as they are right I don't want my child to end up with an incorrect diagnoses xxx
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 10:24 am
I don’t have first-hand experience of this with my child, but a friend is going through similar with her son, who is also nearing the end of reception year. He was an early talker and has a ‘maths’ brain, and is clearly bright, but his private nursery suggested autism at a parents’ evening when he was 2½. His parents were unhappy about the way this was handled and moved him to a nursery attached to a school, who spotted some gross motor delays (for which he is now under a paediatrician) but nothing else. Half a term into reception (different school) and the school have suggested autism. The parents are again somewhat reluctant to have the assessment, and have been advised by someone independent to see how he gets on for a year before considering whether to get him assessed.

I do think it’s particularly difficult for a parent to have an impartial view of their own child: they know them too well. People working with children in nurseries and schools may not always get it right, but they do see lots of children so are better placed to spot anything unusual. It’s easy to say this objectively as it’s not being said of my child, but I think I’d be inclined to listen to what their teachers are saying, and agree to assessment. If they turn out to be wrong, a positive ‘no diagnosis’ will be helpful. If they are right, the appropriate help can be offered.

As I say, it’s easy to be objective when you’re not closely involved, and no doubt there are plenty of examples out there of false accusations. I hope everything works out well, whatever you decide to do.
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 12:45 pm
Hi Victoria
Thank you for your reply. I am definately going to go through with it and see what they say. I'm not going to let them diagnose him unless they are positive he has it but I am willing to go along and see what they say. I don't think he's autistic but I think at least if I start the process they might find out what else it is if anything. X
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LOUISER
LouiseR
14/06/2016 at 1:03 pm
In answer to
Anonymous
Hey Becky, I'm going thorough something similar with my son who is in year one, but for ADHD.  His teacher is the SENCO contact for the school and the main reasoning she is giving me is because he lacks focus and can't sit still at carpet time - yet he's progressing really well in his school work, reading and writing have come on leaps and bounds.

I personally don't think he has it, I think he's just bone idle and needs pushing because he is an August baby.  I am going to go through the referral, even though I think he doesn't have it - because I don't know how they judge it and at the end of the day if he needs the support, he needs the support.

I was hesitant at first but it was my niece convinced me to go through with it because when I was telling them about what the teacher had said and how I had answered her and my niece said to me, you realise it sounds like you are just making excuses for him not paying attention.

Although its different conditions I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel when you are torn xxxxx
We just got a ADHD diagnosis for my dd I still don't believe she has ADHD but assessments done say she does . They also believe my dd is on the spectrum because she has social difficulties that was picked up during the ADHD process.  I never thought we would come away with a ADHD diagnosis because my dd is doing well academically .
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 1:06 pm
Hi
My stepson has just started getting looked at he is very intelligent but struggles with his motorskills. Just before Christmas I did quite a bit of research on my own as I had begun to notice that my daughter who is 5 ( 2 years younger) was starting to overtake my stepson with certain things for example she learnt to ride her bike without stabilizers 2 years before him. One of the things I found was dyspraxia. I approached my husband about it which was very difficult as he has never been open to something being a little different about him he's always thought he will catch up eventually but the chat went really well so we agreed to approach the school after the holidays. We don't have a great relationship with his mum so thought this would be best. Anyway to cut a long story short the school contacted us before we even had chance and we together with the school have spent the last few months trying to talk his mum into getting him seen. She doesn't think anything is wrong but had now agreed. We don't want him to get seen so that he can have a label but so that he can have as much help to achieve his potential. If diagnosed then school will provide extra support and things like enabling him to work on a computer rather than hand written work (his writing is quite scruffy due to his fine motor skills and the school think he will be more proud of a piece of work that looks neat)
Anyway I wish you all the luck and hope it all goes well x
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TAL J
Tal J
14/06/2016 at 1:22 pm
OP your description of your son could be my son, he's 10 and being assessed for aspergers in a few weeks. I have no idea if he will get a diagnosis, funnily enough I always thought he was mildly dyspraxic as he is very bright but very clumsy and will sometimes just suddenly fall off his chair, I also have a dyspraxic cousin. He was assessed at school by a lady who came in and she thought it was aspergers but she said he may be too high functioning to get a diagnosis. He does great at the moment but he may struggle more in a large secondary school so I would rather have a diagnosis to help him if they think he needs it. x
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 1:24 pm
My son has a diagnosis of asd. Only a paediatrician can give a diagnosis, trust me they know what to look for and don't give a diagnosis easily, some people see them for years before a 'label'.
Let the school get the relevant people in to assess your son, these are observations your son probably won't know they're there.  
My son has always had an amazing vocabulary and is very bright but struggles with reading and writing and motor skills. I had the opposite problem to you in that I thought there was something but when we had a good patch I put previous behaviour down to a phase or his age.  When he went to year 1 the problems really started for us and school, he just couldn't cope with the structure.  As my son gets older (now yr 3) the differences between him and his peers are becoming more and more obvious but he is very social and has a couple of friends his own age (but he would much rather be with adults).
Waiting lists are very long, if school want to get a ball rolling I would let them, at least then if yr 1 is a problem school are in a better position to put assistance in place, if not then all parties can dismiss the whole process. Trust me you are lucky to have a school bringing this up, some schools are very reluctant to spend the time and money acknowledging a very real issue let alone a potential one.
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 1:35 pm
In answer to
Anonymous
I don't think your making excuses for him at all I think there too quick to label children. I think it's good in some ways when children have an obvious problem it's good to quickly diagnose and get the help and support the child needs, but I also think nowadays if a child acts differently to others in particular more naughty than others then that's it there has to be something wrong. I do think a lot of it is they don't want the school to look bad by saying we have naughty children they'd rather say we cater for children with problems.
I totally agree that you don't want an adhd diagnosis because there can be a huge stigma that comes with it. People automatically assume ether the child is a naughty 'problem child' or the parent can't cope.
I think your doing the right thing by follow it up because if you don't you will only have the school on your back and to be fair if he does have adhd he could end up constantly in trouble at school for something he can't help that's what I'm thinking with George.
When I go for the next appointments when they ask me what my concerns are I'm just going to say I'm not concerned the school is and if they end up trying to give him a formal diagnosis I'm going ask what they are basing it on because the school sounded like they was talking about a different child. He isn't like it at home and you can't switch autism on and off.
At the end of the day they are not allowed to diagnose them against our will so we might aswell go along and see what they have to say. I don't mind George being diagnosed as long as they are right I don't want my child to end up with an incorrect diagnoses xxx
Autistic behaviour can vary massively depending on the environment. It's not a case of turning on and off. My son holds it together in school but the autism is still there, he explodes when at home. It is called the Jekyll and Hyde affect on asd uk website.
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TAL J
Tal J
14/06/2016 at 1:36 pm
Yes waiting times are very long, my son has waited 11 months from seeing the GP to being assessed. x
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LOUISER
LouiseR
14/06/2016 at 1:40 pm
In answer to
Anonymous
My son has a diagnosis of asd. Only a paediatrician can give a diagnosis, trust me they know what to look for and don't give a diagnosis easily, some people see them for years before a 'label'.
Let the school get the relevant people in to assess your son, these are observations your son probably won't know they're there.  
My son has always had an amazing vocabulary and is very bright but struggles with reading and writing and motor skills. I had the opposite problem to you in that I thought there was something but when we had a good patch I put previous behaviour down to a phase or his age.  When he went to year 1 the problems really started for us and school, he just couldn't cope with the structure.  As my son gets older (now yr 3) the differences between him and his peers are becoming more and more obvious but he is very social and has a couple of friends his own age (but he would much rather be with adults).
Waiting lists are very long, if school want to get a ball rolling I would let them, at least then if yr 1 is a problem school are in a better position to put assistance in place, if not then all parties can dismiss the whole process. Trust me you are lucky to have a school bringing this up, some schools are very reluctant to spend the time and money acknowledging a very real issue let alone a potential one.
Depends on area  our pediatrician told  us for the ASD assessment its not them that does it it cahms  but varies in different areas we been seeing pediatrician for months she believes dd is on the spectrum but can't give us diagnosis so on Camhs waiting list  now . the letter I got other day says something about multi agency panel do you know what this is?
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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/06/2016 at 1:48 pm
Multi agency just means various groups, probably people like cahms, occupational therapy and school.  Do you have a contact on the letter, you should be able to ring and ask who is attending.
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