Worried about 4 year old starting school

Hi Louise

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. I can hear how worried you are about your little one starting school. How has he got on during Nursery or preschool? I wonder if you could have a chat to the school about your worries. They might be able to give you some advice or support. Perhaps there will be a settling in morning or could you organise a play date with his new class mates as chance for them and their parents to meet? The move to school is a big transition for parents as well as kids but the first year is often very play based and many parents find their child thrives. Ultimately though you know your son best and you need to do what is right for him. This article also has some helpful info, if you would like to have a look: How To Prepare your Child For Starting School - Netmums

Hopefully some of our lovely community will be along soon to offer support and if you would like to chat some more, you can start a thread in our drop in clinic.

Best wishes

Catherine

My daughter turned 4 at the end of July. She started school at 4 and I was worried too. She is now finishing year 5. She actually settled really well and had no problems academically. I did think there was a little bit of difference between the eldest (10months older) at first. But it evens itself out. She really enjoyed going to school and making new friends.

There is a boy in my daughters class who's birthday is 26th August. He started a few weeks after he turned 4! My daughters birthday is the 28th September so pretty much 11 months older than him. He is still the smallest but never struggled, made great friends and they are about to finish year 1. Give it a chance, he may surprise you! X

I think we worry more than we need to sometimes, but it's understandable.

My daughter's birthday is the start of August and we started her in pre-school the following Sep so she'd just turned 3. So young, but we felt it would be a better environment than the childminders. The pre-school are in with Reception so the age range is wide. But she's absolutely fine. We do sometimes remind teachers that she's not even 5 (will be in Year 1 a month after she turns 5) so encourage them to remember this when assessing her etc.

She's had two more years in school then she legally needed and she's loving it. She knows some children are 11 months older but she holds her own and it's not a problem. She can read and write at the level appropriate for Reception, which is remarkable considering she's so much younger.

Now and again she gets tearful going in but so do the older kids, it's just having a "meh" day.

I think if they are confident it really helps. And visiting the school, even if it's just a look from the outside the day before they start def helps them.

Take a look at this FB page if you haven't already, lots of advice on CSA and summet born children if you are thinking about not starting them yet.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/flexibleschooladmissionsforsummerborns/?ref=share

Hi Loiuse, it's natural to worry but I think we can sometimes worry too much. Is there anything specific that has made you think your son is not ready or is this just a general worry? Does your son currently go to a nursery or pre-school and does he cope alright there? If so, he may just take the move to Reception in his stride.

Has the school had any settling in visits and has your son been happy with them? The teachers in Reception classes are used to helping all the kids settle in and understand the needs of the younger children.

Unless you think there is a specific issue for your son, I would start him in September - he won't be the only summer birthday. Hope it all goes well.

Just throwing it out there as another option, but we home educate, just something else worth considering, neither of mine started school and its been the best decision! If u want to know more feel free to dm me, also me and some of the mums have a insta page we created to help bust myths surrounding home ed & unschooling its @therealhousewivesofhomeed

Hi there,

My lo is end of August and I HATED sending her in at 4 and a week old.

However, reception is playing and fun and v she had a great time and made so many friends.

Academically she's always been a little behind the older kids but I tell you what, she's proper caught up this year and we are expecting great sat results!!

The feeling carries on- she's too young to walk home by herself- the other kids are a year older- she's too young to stay over night on a residential- the other kids are a year older. But she's far more resilient than I've ever given her credit for.

So I'm saying don't worry, age is just a number and he will be just fine!!

You also need to consider that he won't join reception next year if you defer. He'll join in year one- IF there's a place available and all his class mates will have already formed bonds and have little groups. So then he'll still be one of the youngest but trying to squeeze into already established friendship groups.

I understand your worry. My boy was 4 on 20 august and started reception on 5 September. This was the September before covid. He missed months of reception and months of year 1. However; he’s now in year 3 and is thriving. He is the best reader in his class. Aced his year 2 stats. When he was in reception and year 1 the teachers would say he’s behind others on his reading and writing but fully understood he was the youngest. He’s now ahead of most of his peers! Don’t write your son off. Reception is an extension of nursery. It’s very playful and exciting.

Hello

I just wanted to put a different perspective on this. I was one of the younger children in my class (end of June baby) there was only one other that was younger than me.

I thrived in school. I was never behind others in my class. I did really well academically at every stage primary, secondary, college & University. I finished school at 15 because my last exam was just before my birthday. I finished college at 17 because again everything was done just before my birthday and I finished uni just after I turned 21 because the course I was on ran to the August (nursing).

I find I was always quite mature for my age and I think it's because from a young age I was always with those older than me..

I'm sure your little one will do just as well :)

Legally they don't have to start till the term after their 5th birthday (unless you decide to home educate) but it's worth giving him a try to see if he copes. I have 2 august babies, 1 who absolutely thrived with the challenge and was consistently top of the class (29th august baby) and one who struggled from day 1 (11th august). The second one I took out for a week or 2 when he needed a break, much to the head teachers annoyance but I'm the parent not him.

Personally I'd do the same again, just keep trying but give him a break when he needs it but you know your child best and there is no one size fits all in this situation.

You know your child best but he will most likely be fine. My little girl is a late July birthday, i was worried she was too young but she started last year and she has thrived. Reception is still very much play based and it gets them ready for the next stage. Her teachers have been kind and caring. I now feel nervous about year one because it's more structure but I do think she is ready! Xx

It depends on your son's development.

Is he securely toilet trained?

Can he dress himself?

Can he sit still for 30 minutes (like watching TV)

Is his speech good?

Can he write his name (mostly)

If yes, he'll likely be fine, if no, then talk to the school. I'm surprised to see so many 'he'll be fine' on here I would have expected the reverse. I'm a huge believer in taking the year back. Consider that he will take his final exams at 15 and 17 instead of 16 and 18.

We moved to Scotland where the dates are different (29 Feb/ 1 Mar) and those with Jan Feb birthday can choose to stay back a year. I kept my daughter back and it's been brilliant, she's right at the top of her year group academically, even though she's dyslexic. She's 14. My nephew is a June baby, he really struggled in England because he was only just 4 when he started school and wasn't securely potty trained (because reasons) which was horrendous, the school made my sister come and collect him whenever he had an accident. My sister moved up to Scotland a couple of years after me, put him back a year (after a meeting with the headteacher) and now he thrives bang in the middle of his year group academically.

Once he starts school, even by a day, you can't change your mind about his year group, it's fixed.

Move to the Highlands, he wouldn't be due to start school for another whole year as reception is replaced by another year in nursery then a totally play based curriculum for a couple of years :)

Is unfair for you to say you're surprised people are saying it will be fine, we have all lived through her exact situation and are giving our experience.

In England her son would be able to miss a year but then there are no guarantees that there will be a space for him to join in year 1, so she needs to consider if she is prepared to take him to her nearest school with a space, if actually that year of play might be good for him.

Schools will allow early finishes and can be flexing benue the children teach 5, so she can integrate him at her own speed.

Although i agree we start school young here, you don't need to be able to do all those things to start reception. Potty trained yes (I know one who was still working on that and it was difficult for him), but not many 4 year olds can sit still for half an hour and writing your name isn't necessary to start. Reception involves lots of free play, so those of saying he will likely be ok have experienced that and it's great for getting then ready for key stage 1 where things become more structured.