Husband will not let me borrow the car but mine has broken down.
10 answers /
Last post: 23/01/2024 at 5:48 pm
I just want peoples opinions/advice on this? It’s very cold over here at the moment and my car wouldn’t start for work the other day so I rang my husband who was on his was out with his work friends and told him he would need to come back and drop me off. I work nights so this was around 5:30pm. I was working 6pm-6am the following morning. He came and got me and I asked if he would be able to pick me up in the morning before going to work. He agreed and that was fine. The following day around 2pm after I’d woken up I went to try my car again and it was still too cold so one of my neighbors took a look and gave me a charger for the battery. Around 5:15 I tried to start it but still wouldn’t work so again I asked my husband if he could drop me off again as I started at 6pm. He agreed and on the way there I just said it actually would’ve made sense for me to just take his car and then I’d be able to get home as I finished at midnight. He jokingly (I thought) said no and then gave me £20 for a taxi back home. Which I thought was quite thoughtful. Whilst at work one of the higher up managers asked if I could help her on a new project the following afternoon as it would be good for my career development and I just immediately agreed. Then remembered about my car! So I messaged my husband excitedly about the opportunity and said I’d need to use his car tomorrow if mine still wouldn’t start. He send me a meme saying no but I just thought he was having a laugh. We are both insured on each others cars. However we don’t ever need to use each others and he also has a van for work. Thi morning he told me I was not allowed to take his car as I had never driven it before and that I should’ve said no when my boss asked for help. We got into an argument about it as I don’t understand why it’s an issue? I know how to drive and we’ve been driving the same number of years? He then said he was taking his car keys to work with him just to make sure I didn’t use it.
I am furious. Am I in the wrong for being so angry?
Frankly, I'd be questioning my whole marriage.
In my marriage, we are invested in each other's successes, failures, finances, well-being, happiness.
Your husband is not invested in you, your success or your well-being or your happiness.
I wouldn't be angry. I'd be packing.
I would sit down and write a careful list of what he brings to your marriage:
Is it love
Is it passion
Is it care
Is it money
Is it time
Is it partnership
Is it housework
Literally, what's in it for you.
Are you in a partnership?
I'm going to be honest I get his POV. I'm really car proud as is my husband but it's only recently really he's let me drive his car if I've ever needed to. I think he was worried about me kerbing his alloys etc which would have been a lot more expensive than a taxi home and I would feel the same if he damaged my car.
I also don't really like driving his car because of this reason, I would feel awful if I dinged it - so I get it! I would just be trying to get my car
I'm going to be honest I get his POV. I'm really car proud as is my husband but it's only recently really he's let me drive his car if I've ever needed to. I think he was worried about me kerbing his alloys etc which would have been a lot more expensive than a taxi home and I would feel the same if he damaged my car.
I also don't really like driving his car because of this reason, I would feel awful if I dinged it - so I get it! I would just be trying to get my car
...fixed ASAP to avoid having to be in this scenario!
He's a ***** if he fuming too and questioning what the heck he's hiding in the car
Speaking as a man...
I think you have every right to be angry.
This isn't about the car.
It's about this man showing you how much he values you.
It's about him forcing his will on you, and showing you that he can cause you inconvenience and discomfort.
It's about him demonstrating that even if he has a chance to help you, he would rather make things difficult.
It's about him telling you that if it comes to a choice between him supporting you or you missing out on an opportunity to advance your career, he thinks you should miss out.
I'd be furious too if anyone treated me like this.
I don’t see why he has an issue with it personally. Taxis can be a nightmare sometimes and if it was late or didn’t turn up would he expect you to walk home in the dark and ice after a 12hr shift. There are so many dodgy people out there too.
I have worked nights on and off for years so maybe I have a different point of view.
Also if the situation was reversed would he expect to use your car??
He’s not putting your safety or career or you as a priority.
Speaking as a man...
I think you have every right to be angry.
This isn't about the car.
It's about this man showing you how much he values you.
It's about him forcing his will on you, and showing you that he can cause you inconvenience and discomfort.
It's about him demonstrating that even if he has a chance to help you, he would rather make things difficult.
It's about him telling you that if it comes to a choice between him supporting you or you missing out on an opportunity to advance your career, he thinks you should miss out.
I'd be furious too if anyone treated me like this.
Absolutely exactly Kirk!
As much as I get him being “protective” of his car, his priority should be helping you. Kirk’s response is spot on. Your man is being incredibly selfish! Why on earth would he not want to help you and make your life easier? He’s bang out of order!
I see both sides, is his car new or newish? Have you ever had an accident or hit your car on anything?
My partner is constantly in a scrape with a wall or something, I can’t stand him driving my car, it’s nothing special, but I’d rather drop him and pick him up, but through gritted teeth I allow him to drive it.
if the answer is no to the above, then he’s being unreasonable and selfish.
